Showing posts with label Visakhapatnam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Visakhapatnam. Show all posts

What if.

Posted: Saturday, February 6, 2010 by Mural! in Labels: , ,
35







This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 7; the seventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

He just sat there lifeless with unfocussed eyes and the look of someone filled with dread. Flashes were flickering from the cameras in the trembling hands of the reporters who knew that they have a story that they are never going to forget. Some of the police constables were wearing a look of impending doom, a few were even praying for they did not want Raj to be convicted. He shuddered with a tremor passing through and saw up slowly to catch the red and swollen eyes of his sister who was sitting among the huge crowd that has turned out to witness the trial. For this particular incident has jolted the peaceful town of Vizag and sent jitters down to its very core.
It seems like ages since he first met her. Some other time time, some other world, like it was in another life. For he has wasted away so quickly during the last few months, his sister could not stop weeping everytime she came to meet him.
He met her at a friends party.

Who is that angel? Is she for real? Oh God, I will do anything to spend the rest of my life with her. Is she looking at me?
His heart started to race and suddenly his palms and feet became cold and sweaty.
I cannot risk losing her. I don’t know what will I do without her!

Hi, I am Raj. Can I get you something to drink...........

Within a year they were married. Life looked rosy, his company has started to reward his hardwork and finally he started getting the recognition that can take him places in this dog-eat-dog world, he found the love of his life and he said one day to his close friends.
I am living out my dream, what else can a man want.

But then something somewhere went wrong. Horribly wrong. Things started to turn murky, he started to hate everything in his life, his job, his home. He knew that he still loved his wife, but somehow he always ended up snapping at her, which made his mood even darker. The company had sent him off for counseling.
You are suffering from Dysthymia which might in time lead to a Major Depressive Disorder. You see, it runs in your family, your aunt, grandmother also suffered from a similar diagnosis.

I suggest you start taking a medication course.

But the doctor did not mention to him that medication does not always make a patient better, he can only try.
His life then became more like a machine, monotonous with a job that has been reassigned by his company keeping his condition in mind.


Off late, fed up with this life, he secretly started decreasing the dosage of his antidepressants which always seemed to dull up his senses and thinking.
What is happening to me, this is not how I dreamed my life to be. I need to get myself out of this rut. They will not understand why am I doing this right now, but I know I can get better. I have to win her back.

and he threw out his medicines from the car window. He felt justified in doing so, because his marriage was failing. He started to fear if his wife will leave him someday. He had to re-ignite the romance of the old.
Honey, I have a surprise! I have bought a Tempo Traveller so that we can live up your dream of traveling through India and visiting places and still have our home with us.

He said winking.
She also noticed very gladly, the wonderful change that was coming upon her beloved husband.
Maybe the doctor’s fears were wrong, maybe I am witnessing a miracle and he is recovering.

Wow! Really! I love you Raj.
Life again started to look beautiful. Infact he started to feel very bright and chirpy again and he noticed that his wife was also very happy and that she also seemingly ignored visiting their family shrink or if he is still taking his daily dose.
He was bubbling around and was full of life and she started loving every bit of him again. He started loving every bit of himself again. For he is winning her back.
Honey, this is the wondefull city that I had promised to take you too.

This is where I was born.

This was my childhood school. I am taking you to a place that you might actually feel like heaven on earth.

They set up camp at Jungle Bells, a camping site on the eastern ghats near Vizag and started to recapture the love that seemed lost from their lives. When, a group of unruly teenagers came about their camping site. He had quarreled with them, but they never seemed to stop the jeering and name-calling. There wasn’t even any authority in sight.
Hello.
Hello is this the tourism office?
Yes.
We have a problem here at the camping site in Jungle Bells.
Please sir, do tell us.
There is a batch of hoodlums here who are disturbing our vacation.
Sir, we are already short staffed now, can you please try to hold on, we can send you someone within a couple off hours.
But this is not what I paid up for! Please connect me with your superior!
Please sir, don’t get angry, if it is alright for you, why don’t you shift your camp to No. 42 then. We promise that we will send up a team to check on this batch that you have told us about.
Alright, how can I reach there.
Please, take out your map sir...
Yes.
Can you see the...........

Though this was a small incident, on hindsight he was ready to give anything in exchange to have avoided one such as this.
Oh my God! Raj is really shook up by this. Why can’t he understand that I am still alright.

Raj, what you are doing for me is something very special. You took out your time from your job and you gave me by far the best time of my life dear. You do know that I love you more than anything else in this world. More than myself.

Night had fallen and he was sleeping. Then suddenly he heard some rustling sounds and then some low whispering like noises which seemed to come near. What he feared was coming true! Those demons were trying to get back at him! His heart again started to race, he waited for the right moment, so that they will not know that he is awake and waiting to get them.
The moment seemed fine, one had entered his trailer and within his arms reach. He reached out and then attacked with all his force suddenly which had seemed to take it by surprise. His ploy worked and though the rascal seemed to fight back and struggle out of his hold, he wrestled it and bought it into some kind of an improper headlock.
He doesn’t know that I was a karate champion in my college days.

and then he suddenly opened his eyes in the morning, the beautiful sun was streaming by though the window onto his bedside. The golden rays ended beside him on his wife dark and shiny mane.
Wake up Anita, we have got a lot to do today.

He dialed 100 and he was shaking violently while he spoke on.
What have I done? I’ve been trying to wake her. I think I killed her. I think I have killed my wife! Oh my God! I thought someone had broken in. I was fighting with one of those boys, but it was her. What have I done! I must have been dreaming or something. Oh Lord! What have I done? What have I done! Can you send someone.

He was sobbing by the time the call ended.
The police were aghast, they hardly saw much of crime here, a few accidents, yes, but murder by strangulation was too much to take for them. But then also was the behaviour of the repentant husband who did not speak anything except periodical mournful personal lashing that he had killed her, he had killed her.
They went through his belongings and registered a case of homicide against him and informed his sister about the incident. It was her who brought a lawyer and told them that her brother was under psychiatric care. They did not believe her, because this was one defense that every other criminal seemed to hide behind, though the Sub-Inspector who had arrested the man seemed to believe so. So, finally the police chief relented and had the man checked by a psychiatrist.
He suffers from a condition called automatism. It means that during his sleep, his mind is not in control of what the rest of his body is doing. Also this particular incident looks like a perfect example for pavor nocturnus also known as “night terrors”. The patient had stopped taking his antidepressants which had led him to develop a bipolar condition, where the patient experiences mood swings, which might have made his condition more acute.......

But all of this was not important for him. He wished he was punished with the strongest and harshest possible judgement, that of death, because he had lost the will to live. He was unable to pardon himself in his own personal court of justice, he was found guilty for stopping to have his medicines and then letting such a ghastly act happen.
Not Guilty.

The Judge also seemed to know the harshest punishment to Raj, that of life, that of a lifetime of repentance.....



Epilogue

I am not a doctor. I am not a medical student. I hated doing the background work for this story. Why can’t story writing be much easier!

Dysthymia is a chronic long lasting form of depression sharing many characteristic symptoms of major depressive disorder. However, these symptoms tend to be less severe but do fluctuate in intensity.


A person suffering from a unipolar disorder tends to have a consistently low mood whereas one with a bipolar disorder has extremely fluctuating moods.


A dialogue from Watchmen.
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci."
Happy Reading!!!

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Pandu, If only.........

Posted: Monday, July 27, 2009 by Mural! in Labels: , ,
8

A small boy who had no worries in his life, a small boy who kept on playing around with his old half broken cricket bat that Sanju bhaiyya had given him when he bought a new one. Anyway, this was already broken and Sanjay would never have found any use out of it. It cannot even be used as a runner's stick as it's size was too small and at the instant when he was about to throw it away after an evening's game while going to his home, when pandu, thats what the small boy was called, I recall it now. When pandu saw this, he had to beg for it. Sanjay was like any other young playful adolscent who after having his share of fun with pandu, he left his broken bat with him. Anyways he didn't care about it anymore.

Pandu would also almost always store the broken rubber balls that the other kids found no use for. They would let pandu play with them only at times when they had to make up numbers or when they needed a ball-boy. They were just young kids and pandu was even too younger to even play properly, but he always happily obliged with beaming smile that could have lit the broken down floodlights during the deccan chargers versus kolkata knightriders encounters during the first IPL! Even on the days when the boys wouldn't have pandu to play with them, he would either watch them play getting their balls or would start playing with one of the younger children who come down to go strut around with proudly, innocently and happily with their tricycles. Pandu becomes the coach in these sessions and would bat to his hearts content, even these tiny tots loved playing with pandu. Pandu is 7 years old.

But during the days when the kids went to school pandu would get bored. Sometimes, he would go the iyengar's home on the first floor because the grandpa and granny there would watch T.V serials all during the afternoons and they would let him sit down near the verandah gate and watch them, even asking him to help out with small chores for the granny. They would give him some tidbits from the afternoon tiffins they used to have. Though grandpa was mostly grumpy, pandu used to like them very much, especially the special vada-pav that granny makes, he is very confident that he has understood and has learnt by rote, what granny calls as her secret recipe for the dish! I used to have a feeling that the Iyengar's used to like him, though they never showed it on the outside. He used to provide them with some human contact when their son and daughter-in-law always used to return very late in the evening even though they used to be among the earliest one's to leave for their jobs.

This did not mean that Pandu did not go to school. He used to go the government elementary school which was 2 kilometres away. I used to see him go hopping and scampering to this school with that ragged bag of his and his mother shouting behind him to complete some last minute chores. Most of the days he would have to return to complete these chores and reach the school a bit late, I supposed! His father was our apartment's watchman, janitor, gardener, handyman an all-in-one man! Everyone used to call him out for any work of theirs.

"Apparao we need a packet of salt!"
"Apparao please get some samosas, we are expecting some guestes shortly"
"Apparao, have you watered the plants today?"
"Apparao, get us some more mil packets, we are making payasam today!"
"Apparao our food has been left-over, do you want it?"

Pandu used to return in time for lunch and never went back to the school during the afternoons, instead preferring to watch the television at the Iyengar's place. Upon questioning him about the teacher's wrath that might befall upon him due to his constant skipping of his classes, he used to say that most of the periods, they never had any teachers, even the teachers who would come wouldn't care much about teaching, rather starting to chat between themselves in the corridors, they did used to take classes itseems, whenever they had a hint that a checking squad might be on its way!

But Pandu was a bright kid, which I used to notice everytime whenever I chatted him up. A kid he was, but a very bright one, though he would like to fly around like a bird in the sky without a worry in the world, he used to love his text books and would also come to my house as also go to almost all other kids houses to collect any of the old books that we would give to him. He used to like to store them and even try to read up some of them. Mostly during the night times beside the small oil-wicker lamp that he used to put up beside his rope-cot. He used to sleep beside his fast asleep mother after reading the books. Whenever I watched this spectacle from the fourth floor balcony of my house I used to get amazed at this young boy's thirst for books. He never seemed tired! Though he did not attend school properly, I believed he did this because he never found anything worthwhile coming out of it.

But then all this is just hogwash!

Pandu was not a happy boy, he was a spirited boy! He always fought against fate to remain happy. Though what all I told about him was true, there was something else I happened to remember about him that probably the 13 year-old me always somehow blocked out.

Pandu just did not fade away from our life, he was a victim of domestic violence. His father used to always drink during the night and used to harass him and his mother during the nights. He had a unquenchable thirst for knowledge, but his father had an unquenchable thirst for tippy, for which he used to nearly use up all his monthly salary for. His wife Gangamma used to be helped by some of the flat-residents who used to give her some measly amounts to let her get through with her life and for her son's upbringing.

I relived a scene recently in which Apparao found pandu in charge of a 50-er and he immediately slapped him hard and took it. Pandu, with tears swelling up in his eyes started asking his father, telling him that he needs to pay his fees for his examination. Apparao just gruntled back to Pandu asking him make himself invisible immediately.

What happened to them?
The flat residents have asked Apparao to go away as he and his tussles every night with his wife had become too much to bear for us. And so in an appartment meeting, it had been decided to get a new handyman(watchman) for the apartment.

I wonder what Pandu is doing now? Is the spirited soul still flickering? Has he started to fulfill the promise he was showing even as a small kid? Many questions!

If only, people can be more sensitive to what is happening in the society around them, how many more pandu's are suffering now!
Why is domestic violence as rampant in India as it is now......?
Is it just because of the illiteracy and the lack of money and a good life for all these Apparao's?
I don't want to be vain and blame it on his drinking habits, I would rather blame his person and his self for what he is turning out to his family, A Monster!

If only............


Fictious, None of the characters are real. But based upon the different experiences, events that I noticed as a kid in the 90's in Visakhapatnam, Andhra Pradesh. I just tried to wind them all up into one story


IMPORTANT **This post has been written by me for the Weblog, "Tatsat - People, Planet and Profits" in my capacity as a contributor to that weblog. This is just a reproduction. If you liked this post, then please visit http://tatsat297.wordpress.com/ and go through the whole blog.**

Pandu, If only.........

Posted: by Mural! in Labels: , ,
6

A small boy who had no worries in his life, a small boy who kept on playing around with his old half broken cricket bat that Sanju bhaiyya had given him when he bought a new one. Anyway, this was already broken and Sanjay would never have found any use out of it. It cannot even be used as a runner's stick as it's size was too small and at the instant when he was about to throw it away after an evening's game while going to his home, when pandu, thats what the small boy was called, I recall it now. When pandu saw this, he had to beg for it. Sanjay was like any other young playful adolscent who after having his share of fun with pandu, he left his broken bat with him. Anyways he didn't care about it anymore.

Pandu would also almost always store the broken rubber balls that the other kids found no use for. They would let pandu play with them only at times when they had to make up numbers or when they needed a ball-boy. They were just young kids and pandu was even too younger to even play properly, but he always happily obliged with beaming smile that could have lit the broken down floodlights during the deccan chargers versus kolkata knightriders encounters during the first IPL! Even on the days when the boys wouldn't have pandu to play with them, he would either watch them play getting their balls or would start playing with one of the younger children who come down to go strut around with proudly, innocently and happily with their tricycles. Pandu becomes the coach in these sessions and would bat to his hearts content, even these tiny tots loved playing with pandu. Pandu is 7 years old.

But during the days when the kids went to school pandu would get bored. Sometimes, he would go the iyengar's home on the first floor because the grandpa and granny there would watch T.V serials all during the afternoons and they would let him sit down near the verandah gate and watch them, even asking him to help out with small chores for the granny. They would give him some tidbits from the afternoon tiffins they used to have. Though grandpa was mostly grumpy, pandu used to like them very much, especially the special vada-pav that granny makes, he is very confident that he has understood and has learnt by rote, what granny calls as her secret recipe for the dish! I used to have a feeling that the Iyengar's used to like him, though they never showed it on the outside. He used to provide them with some human contact when their son and daughter-in-law always used to return very late in the evening even though they used to be among the earliest one's to leave for their jobs.

This did not mean that Pandu did not go to school. He used to go the government elementary school which was 2 kilometres away. I used to see him go hopping and scampering to this school with that ragged bag of his and his mother shouting behind him to complete some last minute chores. Most of the days he would have to return to complete these chores and reach the school a bit late, I supposed! His father was our apartment's watchman, janitor, gardener, handyman an all-in-one man! Everyone used to call him out for any work of theirs.

"Apparao we need a packet of salt!"
"Apparao please get some samosas, we are expecting some guestes shortly"
"Apparao, have you watered the plants today?"
"Apparao, get us some more mil packets, we are making payasam today!"
"Apparao our food has been left-over, do you want it?"

Pandu used to return in time for lunch and never went back to the school during the afternoons, instead preferring to watch the television at the Iyengar's place. Upon questioning him about the teacher's wrath that might befall upon him due to his constant skipping of his classes, he used to say that most of the periods, they never had any teachers, even the teachers who would come wouldn't care much about teaching, rather starting to chat between themselves in the corridors, they did used to take classes itseems, whenever they had a hint that a checking squad might be on its way!

But Pandu was a bright kid, which I used to notice everytime whenever I chatted him up. A kid he was, but a very bright one, though he would like to fly around like a bird in the sky without a worry in the world, he used to love his text books and would also come to my house as also go to almost all other kids houses to collect any of the old books that we would give to him. He used to like to store them and even try to read up some of them. Mostly during the night times beside the small oil-wicker lamp that he used to put up beside his rope-cot. He used to sleep beside his fast asleep mother after reading the books. Whenever I watched this spectacle from the fourth floor balcony of my house I used to get amazed at this young boy's thirst for books. He never seemed tired! Though he did not attend school properly, I believed he did this because he never found anything worthwhile coming out of it.

But then all this is just hogwash!

Pandu was not a happy boy, he was a spirited boy! He always fought against fate to remain happy. Though what all I told about him was true, there was something else I happened to remember about him that probably the 13 year-old me always somehow blocked out.

Pandu just did not fade away from our life, he was a victim of domestic violence. His father used to always drink during the night and used to harass him and his mother during the nights. He had a unquenchable thirst for knowledge, but his father had an unquenchable thirst for tippy, for which he used to nearly use up all his monthly salary for. His wife Gangamma used to be helped by some of the flat-residents who used to give her some measly amounts to let her get through with her life and for her son's upbringing.

I relived a scene recently in which Apparao found pandu in charge of a 50-er and he immediately slapped him hard and took it. Pandu, with tears swelling up in his eyes started asking his father, telling him that he needs to pay his fees for his examination. Apparao just gruntled back to Pandu asking him make himself invisible immediately.

What happened to them?
The flat residents have asked Apparao to go away as he and his tussles every night with his wife had become too much to bear for us. And so in an appartment meeting, it had been decided to get a new handyman(watchman) for the apartment.

I wonder what Pandu is doing now? Is the spirited soul still flickering? Has he started to fulfill the promise he was showing even as a small kid? Many questions!

If only, people can be more sensitive to what is happening in the society around them, how many more pandu's are suffering now!
Why is domestic violence as rampant in India as it is now......?
Is it just because of the illiteracy and the lack of money and a good life for all these Apparao's?
I don't want to be vain and blame it on his drinking habits, I would rather blame his person and his self for what he is turning out to his family, A Monster!

If only............


Fictious, None of the characters are real. But based upon the different experiences, events that I noticed as a kid in the 90's in Visakhapatnam, Andhra Pradesh. I just tried to wind them all up into one story


IMPORTANT **This post has been written by me for the Weblog, "Tatsat - People, Planet and Profits" in my capacity as a contributor to that weblog. This is just a reproduction. If you liked this post, then please visit http://tatsat297.wordpress.com/ and go through the whole blog.**